A little preparation makes a big difference in the face of insensitive fertility questions
“Do you want kids?” “When are you going to have a baby (or another baby)?” Anyone coping with infertility knows how painful and even infuriating these questions can be. Even if the person asking them means well, these queries can be enough to make you want to scream or sob. It becomes even worse when people know you’re struggling to conceive and continue to ask insensitive fertility questions.
The Fertility Center of Las Vegas understands both the physical and emotional toll of infertility. That means the FCLV team is always in your corner. From treatments to tips for coping with infertility, our Las Vegas fertility specialists are here to support and empower you. As part of this process, we’re sharing advice about how to deal with those unwanted fertility questions.
What should you keep in mind when responding to insensitive fertility questions?
There’s no right or wrong way to feel when someone asks you about your family-building plans. Some people might fight back tears or angry words. Others might feel like a deer in the headlights, not knowing what to do or say. We even find that some people want to share their stories with others. How a person feels can even change from day to day.
No matter how you feel when someone asks about your fertility journey, it’s okay and normal. Our Las Vegas fertility specialists wish we could always be there when someone asks you an unwanted fertility question. While we can’t do that, we can offer advice you can take out into the world with you.
- Know your boundaries, and don’t be afraid to set them. Clearly stating you’re not comfortable discussing this topic can go a long way.
- Be assertive. Contrary to popular belief, being assertive isn’t being mean or aggressive. It involves clearly (and sometimes repeatedly) making your boundaries known.
- Don’t share more than you want to. If you’re willing to provide some information about your journey, decide ahead of time what you want to share, and stick to it.
In some cases, you might feel that insensitive fertility questions provide a teachable moment. If someone seems genuinely unaware their question could be hurtful, you can gently explain why. However, you’re not obligated to educate everyone, so only do so if it feels right to you.
What are some examples of responses to unwanted questions?
Our Las Vegas fertility specialists find it’s sometimes helpful to have a script prepared before people ask insensitive fertility questions. When you’re feeling emotional or caught off guard, it can be hard to think of the right thing to say.
Below, you’ll find examples of responses to these unwanted fertility questions.
- “That’s a very personal topic that I would rather not discuss.”
- “We’re working on it, but we’re not comfortable talking about it now.”
- “We’re keeping our family-building plans private right now.”
- “That’s a sensitive subject that I’d prefer not to talk about at this time.”
These are just some examples of what you can say when people ask insensitive fertility questions. You can use them or rely on them for inspiration as you come up with your own response. It’s your journey, so feel free to share as much or as little as you want.
The team at FCLV is always here for you on your path to parenthood. If you need help coping with infertility, contact us to schedule an appointment. We’re here to provide comfort and hope when you need it most.
